vacation? what?

I'm crabby. Not just a little, either.

Why, you ask?

Mr. Lemony is home. Something about a vacation, he says. Time with my family, he says. Time to hang out and live in Lemony Splendor, he says. Ooookay, but so far this week he has:

Cleaned out the junk cabinet in the kitchen.

(I should say that the junk cabinet was in desperate need of a cleaning, but I didn't ask him to do it and he spent the entire time sighing as if horrified and disgusted by what he found, which, by the way, was nothing more frightening than a few coloring books and a box of Crayola markers)

Taken his car to be lovingly fondled by men with towels.

(what they were doing with those towels I have no idea and please, if you know, don't tell me)

Walked down Main Street in the pouring rain with Lemony Child on his shoulders.

(this was explained to me as a Fun Weather Excursion after I responded to a frantic phone call in which Mr. Lemony begged me to rescue them from the elements as Lemony Child screamed "IT? IS RAINING! THIS? IS NO FUN!" in the background)

Taken six samples of pool water to the pool store because "something just isn't right, I'm telling ya!"

(the pool has never been crystal clear-er than it is right now. of course I'm afraid to go in it...all that shock is bound to burn off a layer or ten of skin)

Followed me to the grocery store in an effort to understand what it is that I do.

(I could have just told him buy bread and flirt with strangers over lemon meringue pie but, noooo, he had to see for himself)

Made pot after pot of coffee.

(because those Fun Weather Excursions are so damned draining)

Made suggestion after suggestion on how to manage my time "just a little bit better, honey."

(aw, bite me)

Gone to not one but two movies...without me.

(now, in his defense, he did take Lemony Child and Brother to one of those movies, but he left me with his version of a Honey Do list and explicit instructions on how to weed the tomato garden so...aw, bite me)

And it's only Tuesday.