nobody saw that, right?
It's late here, and the Lemonettes all start school tomorrow.
(please let me take this opportunity to say NONE TOO SOON, EITHER!! because, today, the two youngest Lemons actually had a shouting match in the middle of the grocery store over who was going to take the FruitaBu out of the cart and give it to the slightly dazed girl at the register)
Okay, so, because it's late and the kids are going to school tomorrow (woot!) - and because Lemony Teen will be particularly fun (um, not?) to be around at 6:15 in the morning, I need to be as well-rested as possible; otherwise, when she starts using that really snotty voice she's so fond of using to tell me she is NOT happy with her choice of breakfast foods I'm likely to hurl a box of cereal in her direction before going back to bed - I decided that I was going to bed.
Except it's never really as easy as deciding it's time to go to bed.
Because, you see, first I had to pick up all the couch cushions and pillows and place them neatly back on the couch (they were on the floor for some reason I didn't care enough to ask Mr. Lemony about) because you know I can't sleep if the couch cushions aren't on the actual couch. And then I had to find the remote control and put it away on the entertainment center, because if I can't find it in the morning when I'm ready to watch a rerun of ER on TNT...well, that's never a good thing.
Of course then, after I had the family room in order and had made my way to the kitchen, I had to put Mr. Lemony's cereal bowl into the dishwasher and toss an empty soda can into the recycle bin. Because I could see them in the sink. And we can't have that to wake up to.
I remembered the laundry waiting to be rotated, so I ro and tated it.
I made sure the front door was locked and the porch lights were off...and then I couldn't remember checking the mail today so I trudged down the driveway in the dark, stepping on acorns and displacing a snake, and found six political pamphlets, a Pottery Barn catalog, and the orthodontist bill in the box...
(when Mr. Lemony says he's going to bed, he just gets up and marches off to bed, by the way)
...stuck the mail in the mail basket, packed up some grapes and watermelon for Lemony Child's snack tomorrow, and called for the dog so I could let her outside to pee and chase a few moths before sticking her in her fluffly bed (crate) for the night.
I turned off the kitchen light. I let the dog in. She happily trotted into her crate, turned six dozen circles, and then parked her nubby little butt down for the night with a giant sigh. I loved on her for a minute, said good-night, and closed the crate. Turned off the light in the living room. Turned for the stairs. And promptly tripped over the giant thing in the middle of floor.
The really giant thing, right there, smack in the middle of the floor. The thing I saw out of the corner of my eye before going down hard on my knee on the hardwood floor.
So there I sat, smack in the middle of the living room, trying not to cry too loudly over my now-swollen and very-bruised knee and wondering why my mother had to pass along her clumsy gene instead of her non-freckly, non-pasty skin gene. I looked around for the enormous thing that had tripped me.
It wasn't a dog toy. It wasn't a carelessly discarded Webkinz dog named Milo. It wasn't even the laundry basket I'd forgotten to grab on my way up the stairs. Nope. The giant thing that dropped me like a bag of rocks was...
...THE LIGHT THE MOON WAS CASTING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND ONTO THE FLOOR.
I tripped over NOTHING.
The next time I decide it's time for bed I'm sleeping on the cushionless couch.
(please let me take this opportunity to say NONE TOO SOON, EITHER!! because, today, the two youngest Lemons actually had a shouting match in the middle of the grocery store over who was going to take the FruitaBu out of the cart and give it to the slightly dazed girl at the register)
Okay, so, because it's late and the kids are going to school tomorrow (woot!) - and because Lemony Teen will be particularly fun (um, not?) to be around at 6:15 in the morning, I need to be as well-rested as possible; otherwise, when she starts using that really snotty voice she's so fond of using to tell me she is NOT happy with her choice of breakfast foods I'm likely to hurl a box of cereal in her direction before going back to bed - I decided that I was going to bed.
Except it's never really as easy as deciding it's time to go to bed.
Because, you see, first I had to pick up all the couch cushions and pillows and place them neatly back on the couch (they were on the floor for some reason I didn't care enough to ask Mr. Lemony about) because you know I can't sleep if the couch cushions aren't on the actual couch. And then I had to find the remote control and put it away on the entertainment center, because if I can't find it in the morning when I'm ready to watch a rerun of ER on TNT...well, that's never a good thing.
Of course then, after I had the family room in order and had made my way to the kitchen, I had to put Mr. Lemony's cereal bowl into the dishwasher and toss an empty soda can into the recycle bin. Because I could see them in the sink. And we can't have that to wake up to.
I remembered the laundry waiting to be rotated, so I ro and tated it.
I made sure the front door was locked and the porch lights were off...and then I couldn't remember checking the mail today so I trudged down the driveway in the dark, stepping on acorns and displacing a snake, and found six political pamphlets, a Pottery Barn catalog, and the orthodontist bill in the box...
(when Mr. Lemony says he's going to bed, he just gets up and marches off to bed, by the way)
...stuck the mail in the mail basket, packed up some grapes and watermelon for Lemony Child's snack tomorrow, and called for the dog so I could let her outside to pee and chase a few moths before sticking her in her fluffly bed (crate) for the night.
I turned off the kitchen light. I let the dog in. She happily trotted into her crate, turned six dozen circles, and then parked her nubby little butt down for the night with a giant sigh. I loved on her for a minute, said good-night, and closed the crate. Turned off the light in the living room. Turned for the stairs. And promptly tripped over the giant thing in the middle of floor.
The really giant thing, right there, smack in the middle of the floor. The thing I saw out of the corner of my eye before going down hard on my knee on the hardwood floor.
So there I sat, smack in the middle of the living room, trying not to cry too loudly over my now-swollen and very-bruised knee and wondering why my mother had to pass along her clumsy gene instead of her non-freckly, non-pasty skin gene. I looked around for the enormous thing that had tripped me.
It wasn't a dog toy. It wasn't a carelessly discarded Webkinz dog named Milo. It wasn't even the laundry basket I'd forgotten to grab on my way up the stairs. Nope. The giant thing that dropped me like a bag of rocks was...
...THE LIGHT THE MOON WAS CASTING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND ONTO THE FLOOR.
I tripped over NOTHING.
The next time I decide it's time for bed I'm sleeping on the cushionless couch.
4 Comments:
Oh Lemony, I heart you! That was perfection esp. the bit about how men say they are going to bed and just *gasp* go to bed lol!
I hope your knee feels better :-)
(when Mr. Lemony says he's going to bed, he just gets up and marches off to bed, by the way)
LMAO!!
This drives me nuts! My way to bed has 800 chores attached to it but Mr. MFBA just walks to bed and gets in without so much as noticing the shit he left behind.
OMG, DH is just like that as well, then gets pissy at me because I "take too long" to come to bed.
Perfection indeed. You made me laugh outlous.
BTW, does *anyone's* husband do chores? Mine doesn't even take the laundry up the stairs, even if I put it in his way (he steps over it, seriously) and then I trip over it.
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