you want me to get out of bed when???
3:45.
Three-forty-five.
Three.Four.Tea.Five.
EXCUSE ME???
Mr. Lemony is now in the master bath with the door locked and he is refusing to come out. He's afraid I may kill him, I think, because he's very well aware of my aversion to getting out of bed before the sun rises. Actually, my aversion to getting out of bed pretty much encompasses all hours before noon, but not seeing the sun as I crawl from my queen-sized, pillow-topped haven really makes me cranky.
And yet the man planned a vacation that starts with an airplane hurtling down a runway at 6:45.
He tells me he graduated Summa Cum Something from Really Good College, but sometimes I have to wonder if he was just trying to impress me. I mean, really. 3:45. Does a Summa Cum Something graduate from Really Good College actually think this is a good idea??
This is what I'm saying.
I have packed six pairs of shorts, eight tank tops, three pairs of linen capri pants, two sundresses, four pairs of sandals and a pair of flip-flops, five bras, two bathing suits, three beach wraps, one bottle each of shampoo, conditioner and hairspray, one tube of toothpaste, two toothbrushes, a bag of make-up containing two tubes of mascara, a tube of eyebrow gel, five eyeliners (slate, mocha, violet, magnolia, and ice), four shimmer eye powders, eyeshadow brushes, zit zapper, a pair of tweezers and some band-aids, a People magazine, a Dennis Lehane novel, Dentyne Ice mints, a pack of gum and a partridge in a pear tree.
I traded in more than a few favors to arrange carpools for the Lemony Offspring, brought Lemony Mutt to the mutt watching service we use, coordinated Lemony In-Laws and Out-Laws for Offspring Duty, and stocked the pantry with easy-to-fix meal choices. I prepaid school lunches for the week, bought more than enough juice boxes to fulfill all snack and weekend lunch needs, and made sure the MOST FAVORITE LEMONY SNACK!!! is in the snack drawer.
Aleve, Tylenol, Immodium, Motrin, Benedryl, and Xanax are stashed in a suitcase pocket.
Mr. Lemony? Threw a few shirts into a bag and called it a day.
Yeah, that's fair.
He's excited to be flying off to the place where hurricanes and Tropical Storm Alpha (!!) are born. I'm worried to be flying out of Quiet Village Not on the very day the tropics are calm but the North Atlantic is doing it's thing. What are the odds of a plane taking off in a Nor'Easter, anyway?
What are the odds of a plane not taking off in a Nor'Easter and rendering my packing of everything and the partridge in the pear tree useless?
All that work for nothing???
And I have to get out of bed when???
Xanax, anyone?
Three-forty-five.
Three.Four.Tea.Five.
EXCUSE ME???
Mr. Lemony is now in the master bath with the door locked and he is refusing to come out. He's afraid I may kill him, I think, because he's very well aware of my aversion to getting out of bed before the sun rises. Actually, my aversion to getting out of bed pretty much encompasses all hours before noon, but not seeing the sun as I crawl from my queen-sized, pillow-topped haven really makes me cranky.
And yet the man planned a vacation that starts with an airplane hurtling down a runway at 6:45.
He tells me he graduated Summa Cum Something from Really Good College, but sometimes I have to wonder if he was just trying to impress me. I mean, really. 3:45. Does a Summa Cum Something graduate from Really Good College actually think this is a good idea??
This is what I'm saying.
I have packed six pairs of shorts, eight tank tops, three pairs of linen capri pants, two sundresses, four pairs of sandals and a pair of flip-flops, five bras, two bathing suits, three beach wraps, one bottle each of shampoo, conditioner and hairspray, one tube of toothpaste, two toothbrushes, a bag of make-up containing two tubes of mascara, a tube of eyebrow gel, five eyeliners (slate, mocha, violet, magnolia, and ice), four shimmer eye powders, eyeshadow brushes, zit zapper, a pair of tweezers and some band-aids, a People magazine, a Dennis Lehane novel, Dentyne Ice mints, a pack of gum and a partridge in a pear tree.
I traded in more than a few favors to arrange carpools for the Lemony Offspring, brought Lemony Mutt to the mutt watching service we use, coordinated Lemony In-Laws and Out-Laws for Offspring Duty, and stocked the pantry with easy-to-fix meal choices. I prepaid school lunches for the week, bought more than enough juice boxes to fulfill all snack and weekend lunch needs, and made sure the MOST FAVORITE LEMONY SNACK!!! is in the snack drawer.
Aleve, Tylenol, Immodium, Motrin, Benedryl, and Xanax are stashed in a suitcase pocket.
Mr. Lemony? Threw a few shirts into a bag and called it a day.
Yeah, that's fair.
He's excited to be flying off to the place where hurricanes and Tropical Storm Alpha (!!) are born. I'm worried to be flying out of Quiet Village Not on the very day the tropics are calm but the North Atlantic is doing it's thing. What are the odds of a plane taking off in a Nor'Easter, anyway?
What are the odds of a plane not taking off in a Nor'Easter and rendering my packing of everything and the partridge in the pear tree useless?
All that work for nothing???
And I have to get out of bed when???
Xanax, anyone?
3 Comments:
I think a tropical vacation sans offspring might, just might, be worth the ungodly wake-up hour.
Have fun.
wah.
I miss you already.
Collect a ray or two for me, eh?
xo
momma star, babe, let me tell you something...that ungodly wake-up hour was SO worth it. I highly recommend visiting the birthplace of hurricanes during prime hurricane season. Just don't fly out of Quiet Village Not during a Nor'Easter. Dicey business. :)
And, um, Z? I heart you. So there. *zmooooch*
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