lemon parade: 05.06

riddle me this

Why do I fall asleep at 10:30 on a Saturday night when I can sleep as late as I want on Sunday because Mr. Lemony is home to placate the youngest Lemon with waffles at 6:30 a.m., but on Sunday night, when Mr. Lemony has to go to work the next day and I'm left to placate the youngest Lemon with waffles (and maybe a banana or a sno-cone) at 6:30 a.m., I'm wide awake at midnight-thirty??

is it...could it be...i think maybe...

...it is! The SUN! Excuse me while I frantically fan myself in an attempt to keep from fainting dead away in disbelief.

:thud

Sorry. I tried.

Okay, so unless you live in a bubble or in a self-imposed news blackout (which I would understand completely), you may have heard something about the rain in New England. And by rain I mean deluge. And by deluge I mean GRAB THE CHILDREN AND NEARBY SMALL ANIMALS AND HEAD FOR HIGHER GROUND IMMEDIATELY!

Most of New England has been gloomy for a week, and that's bad enough, but for those of us living in and around Quiet Village Not or up in the Land of Six Thousand Rivers and Aqueducts, the gloom has been accompanied by sheets of water pouring from the sky. If you needed anything at the grocery store, you weren't getting there unless you had a boat, a canoe, or scuba gear. Maybe fishing gear. You know, those hip wader things. And bright yellow rain boots, like the DPW guys were wearing while mucking about in the murky mess at the top of my street. I know that looks like a river, but really, it's not. Well, I guess it is a river, but we're not used to seeing it flowing OVER the road. Or down it. Or across it.

My house mostly survived the onslaught of water. I say mostly because the carpet in Lemony Child's room is toast, destroyed when the cat discovered his litter box floating across the basement floor. He was less-than-amused by the floating kitty toilet, I guess.

(who wants a cat??)

By the way, the sun? SO much brighter than I remember, and my eyes watered (either with joy or in pain as the brightness singed the corneas...who knows...who cares...I was outside!) as I picked up a week's worth of the mutt's rain-soaked poo. Totally gross, and I was totally cursing Mr. Lemony for being in California, but then I saw this.

And this, which has no right to be as big as it is since I just planted it.

Oh, and this, which is lovely, but can somebody please tell it it is okay to let that water drop go? It's not like there's any risk of it dying of dehydration any time soon.

We've been stuck in the house with sump pumps, wet vacuums and nothing more than rice and frozen veggies for dinner. The kids have destroyed the playroom, the cat has destoyed a carpet, and the basement will most likely never smell not wet again. But my gardens have never looked better, man! All hail the rain!

Now if you'll excuse me, I must find my scuba gear. The cat is stranded on a floating box of baby clothes.

a what? a who? a meme!

The most wonderful, excellent, and talented Jozet is playing tag again, and unlike the wonderful, excellent, and talented Queen A (shout out!) she tags nicely. No flicking involved.

“Three Things meme. The three things are supposed to be things that you would like to see occur in your lifetime--serious or silly or sentimental…(leaving out, as Kent did, Peace In Our Lifetime, Cure for Cancer, all the standard stuff)”

I have to break one of these rules, I'm afraid. There is no way I can wish for three things in my lifetime and not wish for a cure...but not for cancer. Cancer is devastating, and it is certainly not less worthy of being cured. But people who have cancer are not afraid to tell people they have cancer. They don't have to worry about being ostracized. Or feared. Or discriminated against. Or stigmatized. Or have people make assumptions about how they got sick. Cancer patients don't get raised eyebrows and looks that say, "Well if you'd only followed a stricter moral code..." and "Serves you right, homo."

That last one? Yeah, I've heard that one. G shrugged it off. I cried.

If I can't see a cure for AIDS, how about seeing people who have it treated like PEOPLE. Yeah, that'll work...although if there is a cure we won't have to worry about the other thing.

Way to be a downer, Lemony. Jeez.

Okay. Two more. I can do this.

Hmmmmm...

I like ice cream. I really like it. My ever-expanding ass, however, thinks this is pure stupidity and begs me to just STOP with the ice cream love already. In an effort to appease the ass (not that it will start shrinking, mind you, it just likes to complain) I eat fat-free ice cream.

They can make ice cream without lactose that tastes yummy, and thank goodness because Lemony Child would never be able to eat an ice cream cone if they didn't. But yummy fat-free ice cream? If they can figure out how to neutralize lactose why can't they figure out a way to neutralize fat? How hard can it be? Edy's makes yummy half-fat ice cream, but somebody should really tell those Edy's people that it's useless. I don't have a half-fat ass.

Yummy fat-free ice cream. I want that. Think Brigham's can help me?

Last but not least, in my lifetime, I would like to see an end to this:

It's not looking good.

Ms. Wickedly Awesome, Ms Mia, Ms. Beenie, and Ms. Star? Tag! You guys are IT! And a whole lotta All That.

the earth is doomed

So, Gee Dub the Almighty Who Is In Office Because God Made It So...what'cha gonna do? Think your oil buddies will give up a bit of their record profits? You know, to help remedy the damage they've wrought? Maybe Dickie shouldn't have helped rewrite the laws that used to protect the environment from his cronies, because now all those laws protect are the cronies. Oh, and their money.

You think he can do something about that? Perhaps the appropriate question is, does he want to do something about that? Do you?

We all bear responsibility, but you're the one with the power. Too bad you can't seem to get that God of yours to teach you how to wield it wisely.